A reader comments:
I hadn’t seen your important point about the woman being at a disadvantage in cohabitation made before in quite the way you did in your post “Cohabitation Is Not Marriage Prep.” A personal anecdote:
In January I attended the wedding of a distant relative. She had cohabited with the same partner for more than five years -- they told us they couldn't afford to get married because of the cost of the wedding -- and, when, a year or so later they did starting planning to marry, the relationship broke up.
Within another year or so she had settled down with a new man, with whom she had a baby. He had a child from a previous relationship. They planned ahead to marry the following year – again, I suspect, because of the money – and they did.
She had taken a year off work to stay with the baby, and wanted to work from home. Before long, though, her husband was urging her to go out to work and earn what he considered real money.
I hope it works out for them, but the omens aren’t good.
Thanks. Your story illustrates not only how women are at a disadvantage in cohabitation, but also how a couple’s history of cohabitation tends to hurt their subsequent marriage.
Strange that increased vulnerability should be considered liberation, but men have also diminished themselves. A man who uses a woman is not much of a man.
And isn’t it odd to think it is more important to have a lavish wedding than to get married at all?