Query from a reader in South Asia:

Recently I complimented a female friend who was wearing a Western style crop top which I found attractive.  I am wondering if my compliment was appropriate.  One reason for wondering is that today crop tops for females are viewed as within the bounds of decency, although this may have not been the case fifty years ago.

Reply:

I think your question unpacks into three questions.  One wouldn’t want to obsess over them, but it’s interesting to give them some thought -- not just because you are wondering whether your compliment was polite, but because your problem concerns the relationship of changing to unchanging things.  Whenever I teach about natural law, I find that people have a hard time with the idea that the application of a fixed standard is not necessarily fixed itself.  They tend to think either that the applications can’t change, or else, that if they can, there just aren’t any underlying standards.

Besides, decency is a slippery topic.  Needless to say, so is avoiding offense.

The first question.  Can standards of decency in clothing change over time?  Sure.  Needless to say, one should never wear clothing just to excite thoughts of sex.  Unfortunately, today many young women are encouraged to attract male attention not by being pretty, but by dressing in such a way as to arouse prurience, and quite a few men and women no longer understand the difference.  But what does count as sexually provocative?  At one period in my country, for a woman to show any part of her legs above her ankles would have been considered indecent.  Somewhat later, it was considered “daring,” but not quite indecent.  Today, the sight of some portion of leg is so common that no one gives a thought to a glimpse of leg.  Since it is no longer particularly provocative, it has become decent.

The second question.  Can such standards vary geographically?  Of course.  In some countries, clothing which exposes a woman’s midriff is considered attractive but not provocative; in others, it is considered quite indecent.  I grew up in an era when a woman of my country would never have considered showing her navel in everyday wear, and I am still uncomfortable with this style of dress.  However, my feelings are not the measure of all things.  Moreover, I would certainly not view it as pushing the boundaries of decency to dress in this way in a country in which it was customary, and I realize that the historical standards concerning the midriff are different in your country and in mine.  Of course there are all sorts of ways to show the midriff, and many degrees of exposure.  In a given place and time, one style of doing so may cross the line, but another may not.

The final question.  May one compliment a woman’s appearance?  Well, yes, but such norms too vary across time and place.  In my country these days, complimenting a woman’s appearance is like walking across a minefield, because it risks the presumption of prurient or even predatory intent.  That may not be the case in yours.

Depending on one’s culture, whether a compliment is considered appropriate also depends on who is complimenting whom -- on the nature of the relationship between them -- on their respective states of life -- on whether the compliment concerns the clothing, an accessory, or the body as expressed by the clothing -- on the part of the body which the clothing or accessory covers, suggests, or reveals -- on whether the compliment implies comparison between the charms of the person complimented and the charms of others -- on whether it is offered in public or in private, or in a formal or informal context – on whether one meets or avoids the eyes of the person complimented -- and on all sorts of other matters bearing on the inference of intent, such as voice tone and facial expression.  You wouldn’t want to leer, for instance.

Maintaining the presumption of innocence becomes nearly impossible in a hypersexualized culture.  At the present day, in my own country, whether a compliment is welcomed or rejected may even depend on the political views of the person who receives it!

Now doesn’t all that make everything easy?

P.S.  For less about what does change, and more about what doesn’t, I think you would be interested in the chapter on “The Meaning of Sexual Beauty” in my book On the Meaning of Sex.